Michelle Buteau, a multifaceted individual encompassing roles of a mother, wife, dog owner, actor, writer, comedian, and TV host, offers her wisdom on various social dilemmas. Her forthcoming Netflix series is based on her autobiographical essays titled “Survival of the Thickest.” Moreover, she co-hosts the well-received podcast “Adulting” on the Exactly Right network. Drawing from her wealth of life experiences, we rely on Michelle to guide us through a range of social challenges. This counsel is featured in the December 2022 edition of Real Simple.
Get Off My Lawn
IDA: My neighbors’ children, aged 9 and 6, have developed a habit of playing in my front yard. Initially, I tolerated it, assuming it would be temporary. However, it has become very frequent, and the noise is quite irritating. I’ve tried talking to both the kids and their parents, but they keep coming back. I don’t want to be perceived as the grumpy neighbor. How can I effectively stop this?
MICHELLE: I’m frustrated that your neighbors have put you in this predicament! You extend a little kindness, and they take it as an invitation for more—it’s just not fair. Ida, you’re not a grumpy neighbor; you simply want people to respect your boundaries. In the words of Beverly Hills Real Housewife Lisa Rinna, own it! Confrontation is never enjoyable, but at least you can approach this conversation knowing you’re in the right. You’ve politely asked multiple times for these kids not to play on your lawn. We work hard to establish our own space—it’s our peace of mind, and we should not feel guilty about that. Have another conversation with the parents. If that doesn’t work, consider writing a respectful yet firm letter. And if that still doesn’t resolve the issue, let’s put up a sign on your lawn that says “Private Property.” You’ve got this, Ida! Own it!
Suspicious Scents
ANDREW: My wife and I recently moved into an apartment, and we frequently notice a marijuana odor when entering our apartment. We suspect it’s coming from one of the neighboring units, but we’re hesitant to report it to the management as marijuana is illegal in our state. We haven’t discussed it with our neighbors because we don’t want to come across as accusatory. What should we do?
MICHELLE: I know many smokers, and I’m not just referring to those firing up Traeger grills during BBQ season. Apologies for the mom jokes, Andrew! I understand you want to address this concern, but let’s hold off on contacting building management for now. Try talking to your neighbors first. Approach them in a friendly manner and express that you and your wife frequently detect the smell of marijuana, but you’re unsure which neighbor it might be (even if you have a hunch). Clarify that you’re in a no-judgment zone and emphasize that the smoke is affecting your living space, including pillows, plants, and clothes. Since it’s illegal, you’re concerned about potential consequences for them. Suggest solutions like keeping a window open, using an air purifier, or utilizing a door draft stopper to mitigate the odor. If you approach this as a “helpful neighbor” (which you are, by the way—no lies told!), it’s likely to be a win-win situation. Let’s address this together, Andrew—my apologies, I couldn’t resist!
Blinded by the (Flood)light
BETH: My neighbors across the street have replaced their regular porch light with a floodlight. Unfortunately, it’s directed straight into my house and remains on for most of the night. Despite our occasional waves when crossing paths, we’ve never had a conversation. The light has been bothersome for months. What can I do?
MICHELLE: Oh no, Beth! A floodlight pointed at your house, especially during the night? We need our beauty sleep! The most sensible approach is to have a friendly chat, assuming they’re reasonable people. Consider bringing a basket of something delicious as a gesture. Start by introducing yourself and complimenting their home, then broach the topic of the floodlight. Politely ask, “May I discuss the floodlight situation?” Explain how the light glares into your room at night, making it difficult to sleep. You could propose the idea of using a motion sensor for the light to avoid it being on continuously. Mention that you’ve contemplated using blackout curtains (which, by the way, are amazing). Thank them for their time and consideration. Resolving shared space issues is always about finding a compromise, even with someone you don’t know well! As every pin and magnet at the flea market says, you attract more flies with honey than vinegar.
To Rock the Boat or Not?
MANDY: We recently moved into our neighborhood, and this summer, we noticed that our neighbor across the street tends to park his truck and boat in front of his house. Not only is it visually displeasing, but since our driveways back into each other, it makes exiting ours more challenging. Can we politely request him to relocate his vehicles, or should we just overlook it?
MICHELLE: Oh, Mandy, I can totally relate to your situation. I have neighbors with six cars—can you believe it? Six! Who needs six cars? Is there one for each day of the week? (If so, they better get another!) Whenever I plan a party, I have to submit a written request for them to move their cars. But hey, it is what it is, as Michelle Obama says. They are kind people who just happen to love cars. I won’t delve into my obsession with jumpsuits and ankle boots, but let’s just say I’m lucky my closet isn’t shared with my neighbors. I agree with you, Mandy— it’s visually displeasing and adds stress when trying to back out of your driveway. However, “it is what it is.” He’s a nice guy who has a truck and enjoys the water. Unfortunately, this is one of those situations where you might need to let it go. Once you accept that your neighbor’s lifestyle is part of your everyday life (it’s like you all collectively own a boat, only you get to look at it), I believe it’ll bother you less. Good luck, Mandy!